Valentine’s Day is approaching, in case you didn’t know. I can tell by the topics of sermons at my church. On Sundays we have a series called “Behind Closed Doors” on marriage and its mission. On Tuesday nights at The Porch we are covering “Cupid: Dating Myths.” As someone who is not married, I have a love-hate relationship with the topic of relationships. As I reflect on the messages and how they apply to me, I have entered into conversations with many of my chick-friends about this issue. Here is just one of the topics…
Should women ask men out?
Most of the godly women I know don’t want to ask men out. They want to be pursued by godly men. What happens when that doesn’t happen for months…years…decades… especially when godly men are serving alongside those women? They both sit listening to the same messages – pursue God 1st, as you run look to your right & your left and join up with those alongside you. Well, dozens and dozens of the godliest women I know are doing just that. They see who is running alongside them and none of those guys are speaking up or asking out. When they do, it seems that they are asking out women from further away – not among those ‘running alongside.’ Less committed, younger, from other communities, online… If this was the exception, that would be one thing, but it isn’t. It seems to be common.
What then? Hearing the same messages, the logical conclusion is that something is wrong. Wrong with the woman, wrong with the man or wrong with expectations. Comparison is harder to combat when evidence seems to point to the fact that something is wrong. Is it wrong for women to speak up? They can speak up with directness, but then they look bitter, desperate or just plain scary to these men. Asking a guy out is an option that seems more honoring, encouraging and submissive. It is scary to the woman and not what she prefers, but it is a way to let a guy know that she is there, she admires him, and she would be positively inclined if he wanted to pursue her.
Is that wrong? Is there a better way? What would you encourage these women to do?
The example of God’s love for us is used as an argument for why women shouldn’t ask a guy out.
Ephesians 5:8 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her;
1 John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.
Are those direct examples for this situation? What about these…
James 4:8a Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
Isaiah 55:6 “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near;”
Do you have thoughts? I’d love to hear them!